Do I really see myself the way others do?
Fifty Waves.
When I started writing, I never imagined I would reach this milestone. Looking back, I realize every wave has carried a lesson. Some taught me how to survive. Others taught me how to let go, reconnect, heal, forgive, and begin again.
This one taught me something different. It taught me how to see myself.
There are moments when life holds up a mirror. Not the one hanging on our wall, but the one created through the people around us—the people who observe our journey, witness our struggles, celebrate our victories, and sometimes see things in us that we are unable to see ourselves.
Recently, I asked a handful of people who know me—friends, family, and coworkers—to answer five simple questions about me.
What comes to mind when you think of me?
What are my strengths?
What surprises you about me?
How do I make a difference in the lives of others?
And what opportunities do you see for me to grow, maximize my talents, and become a better person, more effective in my relationships and leadership?
I expected different answers from different people. Instead, I kept hearing the same reflections.
They described me as someone who connects people, someone who cares deeply, someone who goes the extra mile. They saw creativity, organization, compassion, and a willingness to show up for others. They saw someone who looks beyond the obvious, finds solutions, and brings people together.
But then came the answers that made me pause.
Trust yourself more.
Take better care of yourself.
Listen to other perspectives.
Slow down before reacting when emotions take over.
Keep sharing your gifts, but don’t depend on recognition.
At first, those comments felt like separate pieces of advice. But the more I reflected on them, the more I realized they were all pointing toward the same place.
Self-care.
Not the version we often see on social media. Not simply taking a break, getting a massage, or making time for ourselves when everything else is done.
The deeper kind of self-care.
The kind that asks whether we have spent so much time caring for everyone else that we have forgotten to care for ourselves.
When I looked honestly at my own patterns, I realized that for a long time I may have tried to earn my place by being useful. By organizing, helping, solving problems, showing up, and going beyond what was expected.
Somewhere along the way, I started believing that if I gave enough, people would finally notice me. That my value would become impossible to overlook.
But there is another side to that story.
Sometimes I push too hard to be seen. Other times, I hide the very gifts that make me who I am. I wait, I hesitate, and without realizing it, I make myself smaller.
It is a strange contradiction—wanting to be seen while sometimes choosing invisibility.
One person encouraged me to keep showing myself. Another reminded me not to chase recognition. The more I reflected on those two comments, the more I realized they were not opposites.
They were saying the same thing.
Share your light, but don’t make your peace depend on who notices it.
Not everyone will care the way you do. Not everyone will give what you give. Not everyone will walk the extra mile.
And that’s okay.
The goal is not to become less generous. The goal is to become equally generous with yourself.
Maybe Wave 50 is about discovering who I am—not through the expectations I have placed on myself, but through the reflections of the people who have quietly witnessed my journey.
Maybe self-love isn’t thinking more highly of ourselves. Maybe it’s finally believing we don’t have to earn our worth. Maybe it’s learning to care for ourselves with the same generosity we so easily offer everyone else.
🌊
If you asked the people closest to you these same questions, what do you think they would say?, And more importantly, how different would their answers be from the way you see yourself?
Sometimes the people around us become mirrors. The real question is: Are we willing to look?
