Today I find myself fighting battles I cannot fully explain.
Maybe this awakening is not peaceful at all. Maybe it is an internal war between who I have been and who I am becoming. A constant struggle between the known and the unknown. Knowing I need to grow, knowing I can do better for myself and my family, yet not knowing where to begin, where to go, or even what the next step should be.
I keep wondering if the things that bother me in others are really reflections of something I have not healed in myself. I wonder when it becomes time to tell our stories. When do we share our mistakes so they don’t become someone else’s inheritance?
How many wounds travel through generations because nobody speaks about them? How many patterns continue because nobody heals them? Sometimes I wonder if the circles we desperately try to break become the very circles we continue living inside.
Lately I feel anger. Not the loud kind, but the constant kind. The kind that grows when you don’t feel heard. When the house is a mess. When you speak and nobody listens. When you help and feel rejected. When you love and feel overlooked.
And maybe beneath that anger is fear.
I think I have built a cage inside myself.
A cage that keeps me safe.
Inside that cage lives a beautiful and fragile flower that still believes in love, beauty, peace, freedom, companionship, respect, prosperity, and all the beautiful things life can offer. But around that flower I have grown walls of thorns. Not because I wanted to hurt anyone, but because I was trying to protect what was already hurting.
I want to be free.
I want to be vulnerable.
I want to be loved and to love without fear.
Yet every time the door opens, part of me wants to run back inside because pain is familiar, and sometimes familiar feels safer than freedom.
Sometimes I feel like a wounded animal, crying in silence while pushing away the very hands that are trying to help. Not because I don’t need love, but because I don’t know if trusting love will hurt more than carrying the wounds I already have.
Maybe the hardest part of healing is realizing that the cage that once protected us can eventually become the thing that keeps us from living.
Maybe Wave 35 is about understanding that the flower was never meant to live inside the cage forever.
— Today Waves
What part of yourself have you been protecting for so long that it may be time to finally let it grow?
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