Yesterday, after a heated argument with my mom over nothing, I was so stressed I decided to walk away.
The air in my house felt intoxicating, everything was getting me more upset, and I could feel myself reaching a point where nothing good was going to come out of staying there.
Without hesitation, I grabbed my clubs, changed my clothes, and made my tee time.
Fifteen minutes later I was at the course like I used to be.
I played decent. Not good. Not bad.
But the important thing is that I dropped everything in that moment and decided to take care of myself.
Not a selfish act.
A compassionate act of love from me to me.
I’ve been giving everything to everyone for too long, waiting patiently to be heard, seen, respected… and in that constant fight for surviving I forgot to take care of me.
So golf wasn’t medicine.
But it was for me yesterday.
It brought me calm.
It gave me time to think.
Time to process my emotions.
It was my me time.
I used to do that every week before cancer.
After my surgeries, I stopped.
I went through surgery after surgery for a full year.
Then when I was ready, my mom got cancer too, and I was taking care of her, doctors, everything… just surviving.
And I’m still doing that.
But something is shaking inside me.
Trying to change.
Trying to reshape.
Trying to look under all that weight of responsibilities for the person I neglected.
Me.
And it feels like a hurricane inside.
Not destroying me once.
But over and over again.
She is upset. Angry. In pain. Neglected.
And she is finally taking space — the space I gave her yesterday.
To think, to overthink, to cry, to breathe, to feel, to enjoy, to complain, to be.
By the 18th hole my hands were hurting.
This morning my whole body hurts.
But I don’t regret it.
Because for once, I didn’t abandon myself.
I stayed with me.
Maybe Wave 36 is about realizing that self-care isn’t always candles, bubble baths, or quiet meditation.
Sometimes self-care is grabbing your clubs, walking away from the noise, and remembering that you deserve the same care you so freely give everyone else.
Today Waves
When was the last time you chose yourself without explaining it to anyone?
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